Welcome back to my various ramblings and musings about fashion, mental wellness,
Let me be clear when I say I am in no way trying to exploit these feelings or use these stories to create this narrative. I am only sharing this because if three girls at dinner are feeling that way then I can only bet, we are not alone. Here are three out of probably dozens of myths that women believe about themselves based on what the media says or what we have been socialized to believe by family, friends, etc.
If you aren’t married and with
child by your mid-late twenties, something is wrong with you.
There is so much pressure on women to do everything on this societally recognized timeline. If you haven’t found, “the one” and procreated some angel child by 30, you’re an abject failure as a female. You might as well just get like 2 dozen cats and call it donezo because you’re gonna die an old spinster.
Ladies, I have some news for you. That s*** isn’t true! Let me lay it out for you plain and simple. This timeline is arbitrary, made-up and means nothing. No one’s life goes according to plan. You are not on anyone else’s timeline. You should not feel deeply inadequate because you didn’t do something at the age that you anticipated or that society tells you that you should have.
As cliche as it sounds, the comparison really is the thief of joy. And anxiety stems from always worrying too much about the future than, allowing yourself to be present. I know it’s hard but find a way to be content in your stage of life. Whether you stayed on society’s timeline or you veered totally off-course, you are exactly where you need to be at this point and you should take comfort in knowing that.
If you don’t want children or can’t have them, your life won’t be fulfilled
I’ve kind of addressed this before in a previous blog post where I talk about why you shouldn’t ask people when they’re having kids. But let’s revisit this from a different angle. I think it’s easy to understand why people who desperately want children and can’t have them feel inadequate. I can’t image how devastating it must feel to want something so deeply and know you can’t have it. And how easy it can be to blame yourself for that as some kind of failure.
To all the women suffering from fertility issues or who have experienced miscarriages, you are not failures. You should not feel guilt or shame because you cannot reproduce. I know you must think it’s easy for me to sit here and say this having no experience of my own, but I hope that you can stop hating yourself or feeling discontent with yourself. You are worthy. You are important. And life without a child is no less satisfying.
Now, to all the women who don’t want to have kids, don’t let anyone else make you feel bad about that decision. Some people are not meant to be mothers and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people will tell you that your life will never be as fulfilled as someone who as a child and that’s just a lie. Don’t allow yourself to believe it. Don’t feel pressured to have kids just because your friends or family are telling you that you should. Deep in your heart, you will know what choice is right for you.
There is one person out there that will be able to satisfy every one of your emotion and physical needs aka, “the one”
I blame this particularly insidious myth on Disney movies and rom-coms always feeding us lies about Prince Charming and big gestures. Now I’m not trying to be cynical but if you go searching for that one person to be your everything, you will either never find them or never be happy with the relationships you do have.
You cannot reasonably expect one person to satisfy every physical and emotional need. Living up to insurmountable expectations and pressure like that is going to be nearly impossible. And you will never find happiness or content in your partnership if you continue to believe this myth.
In the way that you cannot expect one person to be everything to you, your partner cannot expect that of you either. You hear lots of stories of women abandoning their social lives, friends, and families for their partner. DO NOT DO THIS! Humans are social beings and we can have lots of relationships that bring us joy but that does not mean our partner or we are inadequate at meeting each other’s needs. My friends, family, and partner all satisfy equally important needs that I have as a human and that is okay, healthy even. If you find yourself having to give up everything to be with your partner, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship.
Bottom line is, where you are in life is the right place to be. All of these myths stem from these beliefs that we are inadequate, not enough, or too much. Girl, you are just enough and you are doing fine! We all need to care a little bit less about what we think others will think about us and just love ourselves unconditionally. What is some myth that you believe about yourself and what are you going to do to change that?
Rosé & Ruffles