Happy Valentine’s Day lovers and friends! For today’s installment of Q&A with Rosé, I’m slipping out of my comfort zone into something a bit more uncomfortable. In the words of Salt n Peppa circa the 1990s, “Let’s talk about sex baby!” I’ve asked an internet friend, sex-positive blogger, and sexology student Julieta Chiara to grab a glass with me today and discuss the connection between our mental health and sexual health. And how we as women, can embrace sex positivity.
What role do you think mental health plays in sexual health? And vice versa?
Mental health plays a huge role in our sexuality, for a lot of the same neurotransmitters that stabilize happiness actually influence sex drive. When we have good mental health, we tend to have better sexual confidence, stable sex drive, and healthier relationships.
What happens to sexual health when mental health is dysfunctional?/ What happens to sex drive when you have Anxiety or Depression?
Anxiety, Depression, and any mental health issue can negatively affect your sexual health. The first sign we see is a lowering of sex drive, trouble reaching climax, and loss of sensation. Many say that the brain is the basis of sexuality- which it is! Arousal, feeling, and interest all stem from your brain and how you are feeling.
What can I do when my mental health is affecting my sex drive? What can I do when my sex drive tanks?
Ironically enough, I recommend carving out time for sex or self-pleasure! Sexual pleasure heightens good mood, relieves stress, and actually promotes a steady sex drive. What’s important during these times is to focus on yourself and communicate with your partner on your needs, and take your time in sexual encounters. It may feel safer and less anxiety-inducing to start off with just self-pleasure a couple times a week- take it as a little therapy to yourself. Even if you don’t reach climax, its a win. You are taking time to care for yourself, and that plays a huge part! Pair this with meditation, a bath, and any goodies that bring you comfort.
How can I be more sex positive?
Many find that being positive about sexuality can be difficult due to your socialization around it. The easiest way to start implementing sex positivity is with yourself! What are some sexual aspects of yourself that you love? What parts of sexuality do you wish to express more? When we learn to appreciate our own wants, we can begin to feel more empowered.
Why do women associate shame with not being able to orgasm during intercourse? How can we change this narrative?
Ironically enough, a majority of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone! We are sadly socialized to believe that strictly vaginal penetration is the end all. Through this thought, we are forced to believe that we must climax from penetration alone- if we don’t, we may have not enjoyed sex. Female orgasms come through direct stimulation of the clitoris, which can be done through foreplay, using toys, or finger stimulation during sex. This narrative can be changed by educating women on how their pleasure works- we may need to take more time and extra steps for stimulation!
How can you communicate what you like to your partner without seeming pushy or overbearing?
Positivity is key! Always approach communicating what you want in a
How do you overcome sexual anxiety (i.e. fears that it will hurt, insecurities that you don’t know what you’re doing, etc.)
I feel that in times of sexual anxiety, I am actually lacking communication! It is totally normal to fear different things or feel naive in certain acts. Having a trusting partner, let them know how you are feeling- do we need to go slow? Try new positions? Practice certain things? Coach each other? You got it! There is no need to put your comfortability at risk or spike your anxiety.
Well, I hope y’all enjoyed this second installment of Q&A with Rosé! Let me know what other burning questions
Follow on Instagram: @julietachiara
Rosé & Ruffles