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5 things people with Anxiety are tired of hearing

June 12, 2018 in Lifestyle, Mental Health and Wellness

5 things people with Anxiety are tired of hearing

end stigma against anxiety

Mental health is a sticky subject in this country. We only talk about it reactively, after tragedy strikes. When shootings occur or celebrities commit suicide. We offer our thoughts and prayers but we do nothing to change policy as funding for treatment, education and rehabilitation continues to decrease. Although 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health issue in their life, we gloss over the subject. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. As long as I have this platform, you have my word that I will be a continuous advocate for mental health education, awareness, prevention, and treatment. The more people that can speak openly and unashamed about mental illness, the closer we become to ending the stigma. And hopefully, the better we become at recognizing someone in need before it’s too late.
If you don’t suffer from anxiety it can be hard to understand it. Likewise, if you are suffering it can be hard to explain it. As someone who has dealt with anxiety for decades, (you can read about it here) there are some things that I’ve found to be totally unhelpful whilst in the throes of an anxiety attack. Maybe this can help you know what not to say when a loved one is in need.

1. “Relax”

via GIPHY

This one however innocuous it seems, is not a suggestion that often helps. Relaxing is so nebulous. What is it? How does one achieve relaxation? For someone with anxiety, the idea of relaxing is such a foreign concept that you can’t even begin to define that. If someone is curled in the fetal position trembling and crying the word, “Relax” is about as comforting as sitting on a bed of nails.

2. “It’s all in your head”

via GIPHY

Although it is helpful to remind someone to remain grounded, this may not be the best way to do that. It’s all in your head is just a nice way of saying stop acting crazy. Anxiety thrives on irrational thoughts that continue to spiral until you totally spin out. At this point, it’s important to remind someone that you are there for them and empathize instead of shaming them. They will thank you for relating to them instead of telling them how irrational they are being.

3/4. “Others have it worse than you, or I don’t know what you have to worry about”

via GIPHY

 This one is particularly frustrating. Now, Not only does the person feel anxious about whatever minutiae but consequently, they feel stupid for feeling anxious because their problems aren’t “big” enough to be concerning. This starts this cycle of anxiety, shame for being anxious about “dumb stuff” and culminates into just feeling stupid.

5. “You’re just being dramatic”

via GIPHY

 If you want a surefire way to totally invalidate someone feelings, bingo! You hit the jackpot! Anxiety attacks feel real. People have often mistaken them for heart attacks because the symptoms practically mimic each other. Numbness and tingling, chest pains, heart palpitations and nausea are all symptoms of both heart attacks and panic attacks. If someone is having an anxiety attack they likely feel terrified and like they’re going to die. Don’t pile on by telling them you don’t believe in the things they’re feeling. It will just exacerbate an extremely scary situation.

End the stigma.

At the end of the day, people with anxiety just want to be understood and empathized with. In a poll, in HuffPost, it was found that only 25% of people who have a mental illness felt that others were compassionate and understanding about it. We can do better, in fact, we should want to do better. I hope this helps with understanding how it can feel for someone with anxiety.
All the opinions expressed in this blog post are my own and reflect how I feel and those whom I have discussed the subject with. If you feel differently, I would love for you to voice your opinions in the comments on the blog or on my Instagram at @rose_and_ruffles. Bullying and discrimination will not be tolerated. I want to provide a safe space for myself as well as my readers. My friends with anxiety, do you agree with this are there other phrases you’re tired of hearing. Let me know in the comments.
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TW: Depression Depression is like a thief in the TW: Depression 
Depression is like a thief in the night. It sneaks in without warning and it robs you of your joy. 

It saps you of your energy. It steals your motivation. It slowly seeps in and it commandeers your very will to live. The darkness consumes you bit by bit and chokes your dry until you have nothing left to give it and you’re left empty. Swallowed up. Broken. 

Depression is so much more than just sadness or just fatigue it’s all-encompassing. If you’re depressed right now, I see you. You’re valid. You’re not lazy. You’re not overreacting. You’re not oversensitive. 

In honor of #bluemonday named as the most depressing day of the year I wanted to shine light on the misconceptions of depression and the impact of social isolation on depression. @alyssaadores @matanafaitherick and I will be going live in Clubhouse at 6:30 pm tonight to chat about these very subjects. Join us if you’re able. 

What’s a misconception you’ve heard about depression? 
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SELF-CARE ISN’T SELFISH AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SELF-CARE ISN’T SELFISH AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO EARN REST 🗣

I’m chronically busy. I’ve always taken rest to be that thing you do when everything that needs to be done is completed. It’s the incentive to do the laundry, the dishes, write that email, get that meeting in. It wasn’t a daily practice to me, it was a privilege. 

Let’s flip that mindset. You don’t have to earn rest. It isn’t the reward. Rest is the task. Make it the activity to make yourself the priority. My therapist said it this way, “Resting now will only make you more productive in the long run” 

So make time for yourself and don’t allow those pesky thoughts to warp you into feeling bad. Even if it’s just a few minutes right now do this with me 

✨Do three shoulder shrugs, then release your shoulders from your ears

✨Take three nourishing belly breaths 

✨Massage your jaw 

✨Start by prioritizing 30 minutes one night a week that is dedicated to your self-care and relaxation 

✨Break the guilt cycle that says you’re only worthy if you’re productive 

How will you show up for yourself this week? 
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Did you know that mediating for just 10 minutes a Did you know that mediating for just 10 minutes a day can help relieve stress, reduce anxiety, and help promote emotional well-being? 

I know as a society that’s Go Go Go it’s super difficult to find some time to slow down but just spending even 5-10 minutes a day quietly focusing on your breath can make a world of difference throughout the rest of your day and make huge impacts on your life.

Here are some of my favorite apps  so you can start on a guided meditation journey

✨Headspace- this paid app has tons of different guided meditations for lots of different topics. It also has sleep sounds and stories to help you ease you into a restful night of sleep. I like listening to the Wind Down meditation before bed. Headspace also has a new series on Netflix as well 

✨ Spotify- Spotify is a great resource to find guided meditations as well. My favorite is the 21 Days Positive Mindfulness Meditation Challenge 

✨ YouTube- searching Guided Meditation in YouTube will come up a plethora of options to chose from 

✨ Amazon Music - Physiological Quieting by Janet Hulme is wonderful if you’re feeling very physically tense and your muscles are very tight 

Do you meditate? If you’d like to start but need an accountability partner or have more questions, my DMs are always open ❤️
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Do you know why New Year’s Resolutions almost al Do you know why New Year’s Resolutions almost always fail? Because resolutions aren’t SMART 

✨SPECIFIC- when writing a goal you should think about what you want to accomplish, when you want to accomplish it by, and why you want to accomplish it 

✨MEASURABLE- how are you going to measure success, what tangible milestones do you need to hit on the way to your ULTIMATE goal 

✨ACHIEVABLE- don’t set yourself up for failure by making your expectations too high. You should be inspired and motivated by your goal not discouraged and burnt out 

✨RELEVANT- does the goal make sense for you? Choose something that you want to go after that will add something positive to your life. 

✨TIME-BOUND- be realistic about your timing. If you assign a start and end date you will be much more likely to stay focused on those goals. 

Also remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and you aren’t going to build healthy habits, or achieve your dreams of making an income from a side hustle if you don’t give yourself grace and persevere when it gets tough. 

What’s something that you want to achieve in the next 365 days? 
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Happy New Year’s Eve! I don’t think any of us Happy New Year’s Eve! I don’t think any of us are going to be sad to see the ending of 2020. 

However, I also think it is overly optimistic to believe that all of the hardships of the last year are just going to magically disappear at the stroke of midnight. 

Last year, I chose the word present. This year I want to set the intentions of just being. 

I’ve never been able to sit still without needing to move to the next thing. I’ve never once celebrated a milestone without thinking, now what? I want to allow myself to revel in those moments and be proud and able to just sit in them without needing to plow forward. 

For me, growth will be content-ness in the quiet spaces, in the small things, in the rest. 

What will be your word for 2021? 
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